As I was reminded of today when I was at Paragon Sports shopping for a one piece swimsuit – and I mean swim suit, not bathing suit – there are maybe 2 “sexy” suits among a sea of yuck when it comes to suits for women who want to actually swim; as in doing many laps in a pool at a gym for instance, instead of “bathing” in the sea or lounging on the shore.
What is a girl to do when she needs to buy a practical swimsuit for some strenuous exercise in the pool, aka laps, but she’s a fashionista and can’t bare the horrid styles of the onesies constructed for the sport…? Oh well, unless I decide to become a swimsuit designer, I’ll just have to do the best I can with the slim pickins that already exist. And boy are they slim…I must have tried on 20 suits in rapid change mode style since the merchandise was so unflattering: neon colors, cheesy floral designs, and shapes that push your flesh to where it doesn’t need to be. Changing rooms are so depressing aren’t they…? That light! Those mirrors! The gross floor! And of course Paragon Sports, as good as they are, is no Barney’s when it comes to style, so couple that with these unflattering leotard-like swimsuits and I was convinced I’d have to resort to wearing the only onesie I own: a tres sexy Saint Laurent very low décolleté va va voom! I love this suit and I feel like my former 20 year old self whenever I’m in it. Of course if I actually chose to wear it for lap swimming at a NYC gym, it would be cray cray. My boobs would slip out with every forward arm stroke, and my butt would peer out of the barely there back of this gorgeous maillot de bain. No, not practical for the big city gyms, nor for the exercise at hand.
Good news is that I finally found one that was “sexy/unsexy/piscine”, a phrase I just made up to define the swimmer’s suit that doesn’t make you look like a seal but actually allows you to look and feel like your feminine self (see attached pic). Of course bear in mind that one needs a swimmer’s cap and goggles – quelle horreur – for the ensemble to be complete, which is why a woman must find the most “sexy/unsexy/piscine” suit she can! Because from the chin up – you’re toast! “